How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety

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in Relationship Advice by

Hello, just a really quick post before I'm off again!

So things have been good with the ex with the flowers and everything from last time, and no matter what, I will never contact him, so I'm always waiting for him to make the contact. I'd been at work from lunchtime till late last night, and when I finished I saw I had a text off him saying 'Hello beautiful just wanted to let you know before I go to work ILOVEYOU princess'.

As I mentioned, I'm now really busy with two jobs and he works long irrational hours at his, so there is hardly any time for texting or time to see each other, but even though I got that text, which is really lovely, I can't help having these irrational thoughts. I'll get a bit anxious on days where he isn't at work wondering why he hasn't texted me (today he hasn't) and then starts questioning why he hasn't texted and if he wanted to he could.

I've not been sleeping recently so this could be contributing and I feel ridiculous for it because of how lovely he's been saying we'll be married still. I'd been so positive for so long and this lack of sleep is bringing out the worst hehe. So basically any advice on how to stop being like this please :)? Thank you!

4 Answers

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Dealing with the same thing hun. It's very hard trying to keep a clear head when they aren't texting or trying to see you on their days off. The best thing I can tell you is just to concentrate on your work and being a better person. When you go home call a girlfriend up or read a book. Do anything to take your mind off of why he isn't texting you.
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Hi Beanz .....I'm going through the same!

My ex has a lot of time on his hands,  he can send a text whenever.
So I wonder the same,  but today he was being a jerk and snapped at me :(
I just asked a simple question are we in a relationship / only friends or acquaintances!
He snapped at me!   I felt like such an idiot breaking NC today after that!
So from now .....I'll wait till he contacts and that prob won't be for a while!!!

Good Luck!
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Oh, Beanz.

Yes, I understand this completely (and am in a similar exhausted, anxious state myself). The thing that I find really helps is to tell myself 'This is how I feel today. It is just today. And tomorrow may be different. Just get through this day.'

It's so easy to let your thoughts spiral madly when you're in that state - the brain-spiraling is sort of what led to the end of my relationship, and from what I've read of your relationship breakdown it sounds as if it might be similar. Try to change your surroundings, maybe, if you start to feel that way? I force myself out of the house, if I can, to go get a coffee, or take a walk, or sit in the park... anything to give my head a fresh setting, and surround myself with other people.

It's also super easy to forget that your ex is dealing with other stuff that is not your relationship (and that men are generally speaking better at compartmentalizing this stuff). I mean, he's probably thinking about mundane stuff, and most likely when he thinks of you it is a high point, a lovely brightening thing for him to think of.

My friend always told me 'Focus on what is real, and what he is telling you. Don't let your imagination fill in the blanks.' I so wish I had listened to her because my own paranoia contributed a lot to the end of my relationship. So I'm telling you to do the same. You're doing SO well in letting him do the contacting. You're SO in control. Just sort of maintaining your position, don't swerve off wildly in any direction and undo your good, steady work.
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Scary similar situations :] I'm so much calmer after reading Beanz's post :] huge smile on my face. What would I do without this forum and you girls :] big hugs to you all! <3