What to do when you feel like you deserve better in a relationship?

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I feel like I deserve better. what do you think? (LONG QUESTION)

There is no in-between in our relationship. Just ups and downs. Either I'm happy or I'm sad. It's like a constant struggle for me. I wait for him to call, and he rarely calls (only when I ask him to). Then he gets so jealous of other guys talking to me (even just a friendly hi) that he thinks I'm going to start liking them. He doesn't even want me to talk to his own brother.

We have been together for almost 2 years and I believe that I love him. But if I can tell him how much I care every single day and he doesn't even want to tell me how he feels because he says he wants to wait until he says his vows, it leaves me wondering. He regrets having sex and doesn't know if he will anymore b/c I went to get a pregnancy test last month. It was negative, but he won't even use a condom because he doesn't think he'll feel anything. I can't wear certain clothes in public because he thinks other people will start liking me. I just can't see myself with anyone in the future.

I feel like my life is wrapped around him and I just can't let go because I care so much. The past couple of days, his sister has been using his cell phone because hers broke and he has been letting her use it. And when I want to talk to him, she gets mad because she is using it. And when I'm talking to him on the phone she starts a conversation with him and I wait and wait & WAIT until they get done talking about the nonsense stuff they talk about. Also, he has put off talking to me to go outside and play baseball with her & watch a fire with her. I mean, who does that? Sure if you were a romantic couple or very close friends, but don't you think they spend enough time living in the same house together.

 I feel like I'm putting all of my heart into our relationship and getting barely anything in return. We both are jealous people, but I wouldn't say I'm as jealous as he is. He doesn't want me to find anyone better than him, but lately that's been what I've been thinking I'm needing. We have only been on one date in this almost two years. I've liked him for almost four. I think a little more time with him will boost my confidence, but I'm not sure. I just can't let someone go that I care about so much.

But I'm beginning to think that it's what I need. I just need my MAN back, so he can prove to me he still cares like he used to and make me smile like he has when I'm with him. I miss it more than he knows. And he hates when I get emotional but I can't help he makes me so upset. And I had to start an antidepressant for all my stress. I feel like I have to struggle just to have a conversation with him. I can talk a lot, and I find myself asking him tons of ?s because he can't think of anything to say and he only gives one-word answers to them so it makes him mad because I'm not interesting.

We've been through a lot. But I'm the one breaking apart this time. And I'm not sure what to do. Anytime I think there is something wrong, I try to talk to him, but he says he doesn't want to argue so he always wants to get off the phone. Then he gets mad because I won't let him get off. I just want things to work out between us and he thinks walking away from the problem will solve it. What do I do about him? Remember, I deeply care for him.
Update:

10 Answers

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Depression should be the first clue that there is something missing. I know that a pill is a quick fix to the anxiety, but this is like putting a band-aid on a severed arm. You have to deal with the situation. I believe that you love him. I just don't believe that he is right for you. The reason he gets so jealous is because he knows that you could do better. If he beats down your morals, then he can convince you that he is the best thing for you.

This is a form of control, and you really do need to break away. You are using medication to cope with this relationship. This is your body's way of telling you something is wrong and you are silencing wisdom with medicine. You don't have to see yourself with anyone else in the future. You need to figure out what you want in a boyfriend, and then actually date one of those guys. Cause it sounds like you want him to be someone that he isn't anymore. So, you don't actually love HIM. You love the guy this one used to be.
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He's only taken you on one date in the last 2 years? Wow. Haven't you had a couple of birthdays and Valentine's days since then? What was it that made you want him in the first place? You seem to have low standards and you don't seem to value yourself. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I treat her as if we are still dating, she treats me the same way. I think that is the only way a relationship can work. You have to do the same things you did before you were in a relationship.  If you are at this point after 2 years then it seems like he is not the one for you.

How could you possibly spend the rest of your life with this person if you feel this way already? I think you need to value yourself more and understand that you are a beautiful person who deserves more. I don't care who you are there is no reason why you should have only gone on one date in the last 2 years. If you were my girl she would have left me a long time ago. And if my girl put up with half the mess you put up with I would have left her a long time ago because I couldn't respect a woman who doesn't respect herself. The bottom line is that you are probably scared to be alone and are unsure if whether or not you can find someone who will love you, but you have to take that step. Each day you spend with the wrong person prevents you from finding the right person.
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WOW..You are not in love and neither is he. I think it's just sex because it seems like an infatuation. Stop sleeping with him for about three months and reevaluate the situation and see if your feelings are still really strong. Also, he's not spending that time with his sister sorry to tell ya. He is either just blowing you off or cheating. If he doesn't want to have sex. He's cheating. I suggest you begin to move on. Don't cause yourself any more pain and especially if you have to take medication because of him. The relationship is not healthy for you.

Think about yourself right now and then you can come back and think about your relationship. you thought right the first time when you began to break it off don't second guess cut off all ties from this guy and run away before you end up getting a baby involved and if your not happy the baby won't be either. Concerning jealousy, you can never have a functional relationship if one of the partners is jealous-hearted. There is no freedom in that and love needs to be free. He Also seems controlling. Jealous, controlling people can lead to being abusive people even if it's not physical and can be mental abuse. All these things before reconciling with him.
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Sucks, I know. Been there. You need to talk to him, let him know how you feel. Even if he doesn't want to hear it, find a way for him to hear it. Talk to him, text him, or email him. He needs to understand that there two of you in the relationship. Even tho you say you care a lot for him and can't see yourself with anyone else in the future. After being him treating you like that, you keep it all to yourself, one day it's gonna come to a point where you can't take it anymore and things will be worst. Talk to him, so he knows how it affects you. No matter how much you care for the other person, if you aren't happy, you shouldn't stay.

 You will grow to blame everything that went wrong on them, it's not a healthy relationship. If you try talking to him and he doesn't listen or doesn't try to understand then sad to say but he just doesn't really care. Sometimes you just have to break away. If he really cares, time away will let him see all you've done and he will come to realize that how he treated you was wrong. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do. Because your mind is in a place where you don't think you can be with anyone else. But when you take that step and have time to think and get over it. You'll look back and see how foolish your thinking was. It's hard, but life isn't easy. You live, you learn, and you move on.

I hope it helps. =)
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Only you know what you deserve!  If you think this kind of treatment is what you deserver, then stay with him.  But you know you deserve better if you have to question it.  This guy sounds like a really insecure person! For him to say he doesn't want you to find anyone better than him says a lot of what he thinks of himself!  You're obviously NOT getting anything out of this relationship.

Can you even ask yourself what it is about him you love and care about??? Ask yourself what it is he does for you that makes you happy?  If you can't answer that question, then it's really time to move on. So far you have NOT said one good thing about him.  It seems you're in this relationship just for the sake of being in one!  If you're going to do that, then find one that's going to be worth being in...with someone that's going to make you happy!  It might not happen right away, it may take a while, but once you find that ONE, it would be worth that wait!
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He has gained control of the relationship ....normally it's the other way around...But this guy has found the control switch here before you have... Ya gotta find a way to gain back the possession of the control switch and hold tight to it... lay low from him for a while, force him to start questioning you about your whereabouts.

When you get a call or end up in a conversation with him keep your responses at a minimum and do not start giving a lecture or a lashing of explanation saying " well now you see how I feel when you do this "....no..according to you, that is not the case ...you cannot allow him back the control switch by letting him think or know that he has affected you in that way and that is the reason for " your " change in attitude.   ...no.... play the game fair for yourself at least .... start making changes that'll force him an ultimatum to the point that'll force him to get right about you both's relationship.
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you may love him very much, but you deserve better.  

I think that you should tell him ALL of this and see how he reacts. you will feel a lot better and he might realize that he is not treating you right.  I do think (from what I've heard) that he will change his ways and I think you have been an awesome girlfriend and deserve an awesome boyfriend.  You can love people without them being your soul mate and just because you can't imagine someone doesn't mean that they don't exist.  If you don't get the support from him that you need soon... you're going to get really depressed and that is hard to come out of.  

In a lot of (bad) relationships, there is a cycle.  Man screws up, a woman gets mad, he makes an "apology" and she goes into denial and becomes happy, while he becomes relieved that she hasn't figured him and his lazy disrespectful ways yet.  he desperately needs a slap in the face and I think you leaving him for a while will serve it out.  I wish you the best of luck. :-)
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He really sounds like someone who is insecure to me.  If you can't wear certain clothing or speak to anyone of the opposite sex there is something wrong.  Guys in relationships like that are controlling and have the potential to get abusive down the road.  I know it is hard but I would try to break it off.

Also, it sounds like your relationship has gone stale.  I had a girl once who I would call her all of the time (she didn't call me for some reason) and we would just sit on the phone and say nothing.  It's one thing to know everything about each other but it's another thing to just not be right for each other.  I'm not saying that you guys are or aren't right for each other but it sounds like you guys just don't have a lot in common.
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Oh girl do I understand you.  I have the same kind of guy.  Sort of!  I have been trying to dump him 10 months ago but he keeps calling and then blows me off to go out and party.  God forbid I go out!

This guy wants his cake and eats it.  Listen, I know it will be hard for you because it has been for me but time to cut the ties. Believe it or not, he's not going anywhere.  But you seem so needy and he knows he has the control.  Put him in his place and please for your sake go online to Christian Carter's e-book, "How to catch a guy and keep him".  He will show you that everything you have been doing is basically sabotaging your relationship.  Be strong and go join a gym!  It's better than any anti-depressant you will ever take.  Cute guys there too.  Good Luck!
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omg! this is so crazy I understand that you are in love and you can't see yourself without him and you feel that it's not worth it but you really think about it you don't necessarily have to be with anyone but him you can just suggest some things like going on relationship counseling and maybe that will help other than that I really don't know what to say hopes that you guys can work it out if not its just time to let it go!...sometimes letting things go are best! sorry if i wasn't much help!...:
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