I'm honestly having a difficult time with your question, & your details. I "see" some contraditions. You say, "...I start to ignore them & don't return their calls." Then you say, "..I find it hard to say no...or be mean to them in any way." Ask yourself, is it "mean" to ignore & not to return calls? A rhetorical question. You "...feel afraid or don't feel that they really like me..." & then, "...I don't think I have low self esteem, if anything, I think TOO HIGHLY OF MYSELF." (My caps & for a reason. Do you know what that reason is?) I'm really going to stick my neck out here, (which I usually don't), but I have a feeling that you get some kind of satisfaction out of (saying, or actually...) pushing people away. So, let's get past the low self esteem or other "disorders" & if this is true, why might that be? What do YOU get out of pushing people away? (Just ask yourself.) If you've seen me around, you know that I think & feel as I type. Some little bell is ringing that connects: "..think too highly of myself" & pushing people away. Great start! (I amaze myself!) But we can't do this in cyberspace. If you feel this is impacting your life negatively, (to whatever degree), then I'd certainly suggest counsel. Yet, I don't think it is. & you DO realizie it, before it's too late! or you wouldn't be so comprehensively explaining it here. I have to say that in all honesty, I "sense" an equal amount of "pride" & "soliciitation" in your question. I'm not being harsh; I think you need to explore this in YOURSELF & have confidence that you can do so.