How to move on after being dumped?

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in Relationship Advice by
I'm 22 and was seeing/dating this guy over the past 1 1/2 year everything was fine then he just distanced himself from me...I know the reason is due to the fact that he found himself someone new...and I am really hurting right now because now I feel like I'm not good enough or worth it and i keep asking myself over and over what's wrong with me...what's wrong with me looks or my personality...how do i get all of these negative thought out of my head?

i did not post this in the singles section since most people on there are 15 and really immature
Update:

I'm not the type of person who will easily date someone so when people tell me to move on and find someone new that really doesn't work for me
Update 2:

i feel that it's so unfair that here i am hurting inside so much and yet he gets to move on with his life and be happy with someone new and fresh

10 Answers

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when my ex left me I imagined it was because i wasn't as pretty as her, or smart, I imagined it was all my fault, it took its toll on my ego and self-worth. when someone leaves us for someone else all kinds of things go through our heads, irrational stuff. we give them all this power, but in reality, we should never base our self-worth on if we get dumped. because things always happen for a reason, god's will is best, because he can see behind it all, he can see the future and we can't. when we are dumped, it inflicts a special kind of wound on our ego,

where we compare ourselves to the other woman, blame it on maybe there was something the matter with us, but in reality, there was really something wrong with the person we were with. sometimes things end because something much better is right around the corner for us. just trust in the universe that it knows what u need and that this person would only have hurt u badly had u stayed with him. it's not about u, it's him. You're the lucky one having gotten rid of a bad egg before u married him. there is no use asking why, as there is really no clear answer.
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I can completely relate hun. It's tough. I was in a 5-year relationship and out of the blue it was over. I was very down on myself for a while and then when I least expected I met my husband. After meeting him I realized how wrong my ex-bf was for me and it wasn't my fault we broke up, some people are just not right for each other and it's neither person's fault.

You will find the right person. Think about it this way too...if your now-ex didn't like your looks or personality he would not have been with you for a 1 1/2. People date and people break up. Don't worry you'll find the right person. Keep your head up. :-)
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You do have a right to be hurting but I wouldn't worry whether it's your looks personality etc, because I'm sure you're a fun, beautiful, intelligent woman. This guy sounds like the type that just hangs around for a while and then runs off when HE thinks there's nothing more to do. you should be getting back up on your feet having fun with your mates because in the end, he'll see that it's his loss after all and that he probably made the biggest mistake ever by letting you go.
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take some time for yourself and maybe keep a journal of this experience.  It's hard, rough, and sad.  I know.  but believe it or not, it will heal in time.  And while you could probably list your own flaws all day ( I know I can ) remember he has his flaws too and was obviously not thinking right to do that to you.  things don't work and I think as women we get too wrapped up in everything being a fairytale and forget that crap happens and that's why we're devastated when it does happen.  

Maybe take a vacation w/ a good friend or spend time w/ your family.  It won't just leave your thoughts overnight.  I still think about things that happened years after it happens.  Eventually, you'll see why it happened.  Hindsight's 20/20.  (or however it goes, but it's true).  Try your best not to talk to him or let him talk to you.  If it's meant to be it will happen in time.  Don't rush it and trust that God has plans...and right now it just sucks.  it will get better and let me know how it goes.  I'm just about your age so any help I can give I will!!!
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okay, the first thing you need to do is hang out with some friend this will totally take your mind off of him while you are with your friends talk about things that make them feel happy if you won't change your look think of what he likes in a woman and go after it even if it's losing a couple of pounds cutting your hair or even wearing makeup on a day to day basis. turn yourself into the total opposite of what you are and not only will you get the attention of other guys but you will get his attention once again but by the time he comes around, you will have so many guys to choose from until you will look at him and say why did I date you again.
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Learn your lesson, forget the guy, and move on. Let it go. What's done is done. Now you're smarter, stronger, and better off because you are finally free from someone who doesn't deserve you. Make yourself prettier (workout, new hairdo, etc...). Do the things you used to do that made you happy and go out with friends who make you happy. Do not limit yourself to this guy. Most importantly, do not jump on the next guy that comes along. Get to know them first. Stay away from guys with negative intentions. Don't waste your time on someone who is not right for you. Hang in there and the right one will come. Be patient.
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You don't need to hit urself over the head about this we can think of so many ways why guys act the way they do but most do find someone and then want us to think it us but it is not guys get bored then they move on! so just enjoy ur memory u had but u are 22yrs old enjoy life and don't worry about what people tell just know in ur heart u were the best of ever and he does not deserve u at all!
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Just keep on telling yourself that it's not your loss. That is true. He won't find anyone else like you no matter where he looks. If he's found someone new, let him be, just you wait and see, he'll be knocking on your door and begging you to accept him. Just keep on being optimistic, and while you're at it, try going to the gym or going to the beauty parlor to improve yourself more and to bring back your self-confidence, at the same time, your mind gets off your problem. If that doesn't work, try to find something that would occupy both your time and your thoughts... You just need time... Hope that helps...
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Just remember that time heals all wounds.  Getting dumped sucks, but we've all gone through it.  I've learned from personal experience that it's not necessarily either person's fault.  Sometimes people grow apart.  Instead of nitpicking at the problem, look at the positives.  At least you found out you weren't meant to be, and you're young.  Go out with your friends and have fun...trust me, the pain will pass!
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We have ALL faced this when we were cheated on or rejected like you were, but the only way to deal with it, is to cry, let it out, deal with it, then move on. There is no magic pill or the easy way. I cried enough tears to float a battleship, but am proud to state that afterward I have moved on, and have a Lady in my life that thinks the sun rose on me this morning. You are not the one with the problem...he is. The only good thing is that you now know how he is and can be thankful that you were not married to him......Good Luck! Chin up! WE think you're beautiful and worthy!!! There is a good man out there that will think that too.....now, go find him!!
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